Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Our Unfinished Story.
I still wonder about all the things that could of happened since sixth grade, when all the school told me about this boy who liked me, but too scared to talk to me. All the way through seventh and eighth grade, the rumors lived. It was so funny how your friends tried and tried to put us in the same room, all so you could talk to me. I would blush because of how cute you were when you ran out of the rehearsal room for School of Rock.
Then in eighth, remember that group date to the movies? We saw the opening premiere of The Hulk. It was so packed, we sat in the very front of the theatre. But I didn't mind that I had to break my neck to look up at the screen the entire time. Because of the fluttering feeling of sitting next to you, that was really all I could think about. The silly questions I asked you during the movie, it was obvious I only wanted to ask them so I could look into your eyes, and you would whisper to me the answers in my ear. That moment we almost kissed. I know we both wanted it, but I wasn't near ready for it. Good thing we refrained. To this day, that night still makes me smile.
I like to believe that on that rainy day after school, just as I was saying my goodbyes to you, our hearts connected. And at that moment, I truthfully could tell you wanted to kiss me in the rain. To this day, I still contemplate in my head that kiss that could of been.
Just before the day of our eighth grade promotion, I had you write in my yearbook. You knew I was leaving for a different school. And all the feelings that were there, I hoped you would write them down. Maybe if you had let me know, honestly, your feelings for me, for us, I would of stayed. But you never did.
Was it fear that kept you from telling me? Was I too out of reach? I never understood why the heck you didn't just tell me how you felt. I still wish I knew. But then, I left.
Luckily, we kept in touch while attending different schools. Finally, you asked me out sophomore year of high school. In my heart, I was happy. You finally took the step I needed from you. Of course, I was afraid for I've never had a boyfriend. And I knew of the outcomes that could of been brought forth after our first, real date. I'm sorry for the disappointment I brought when I called to cancel our date. I thought I was being wise in my decision. In my head, it wasn't fair of the long distance relationship that was a very possible product of going out. I wanted to be fair to you. I wanted to end it before I would hurt you more.
I'm sorry if it felt like I stepped on your heart, like the courage to finally ask me out, was betrayed.
Surprisingly, I came back to my home town to finish high school. And from there, we continued again on our love story. We talked via phone, texts, Internet, and basically whatever was approachable.
I want you to know of the moment I finally fell for you mid junior year. I was alone, sitting on a bus stop at around 9 o' clock at night. I was shaking cold, scared, and alone. I wanted someone with me. Not just anyone. Immediately in my head, I hoped you were with me. I wanted you with me. And so, I picked up my phone, and dialed. No answer. I called again. Still no answer. Feeling foolish, I still left a voice message. I waited, and waited for two hours. You never called. I felt like it was revenge on me because of the years I led you on. Like you wanted me to feel the betrayal of when I cancelled on our date. Thousands of thoughts scrambled in my mind, as I waited. To my sudden surprise, you called.
That voice, I will never forget. The second you called, the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. You were coming to my rescue. You told me you were with your friends, and weren't paying any attention to your cell. But then, you heard my voicemail. And dropped everything you were doing to make sure I was safe. That, I'll always, always remember. At that moment, I knew.
But then there was the moment I will never forget. That night when I confessed I finally liked you back after 6 years. That you were all I could think about and all I wanted. And you shut me down like a knife in my heart. Had me crying the rest of the night through and through. I know I had no right to be angry. After all, you were the one after me for so many years. But it didn't make sense how you all the sudden stopped.
I finally burned for a desire for you, like the burn you had for me. And it just....ended. Like all your feelings for me, never happened. And I was nothing to you anymore. Like a knife in my heart. Suppose i deserved it. All of it.
Had you kissed me, maybe things would of been different. It would of moved our relationship towards a different path. But you didn't. And we shall never know what might of been. I still have hundreds of unanswered questions. Questions concerning what you honestly thought of me all that time. Questions about how you felt when I cancelled on you. Questions like, why didn't you just tell me how you felt? Those questions, I want answers. And so that's why I don't believe our story has ended....just yet.
Then in eighth, remember that group date to the movies? We saw the opening premiere of The Hulk. It was so packed, we sat in the very front of the theatre. But I didn't mind that I had to break my neck to look up at the screen the entire time. Because of the fluttering feeling of sitting next to you, that was really all I could think about. The silly questions I asked you during the movie, it was obvious I only wanted to ask them so I could look into your eyes, and you would whisper to me the answers in my ear. That moment we almost kissed. I know we both wanted it, but I wasn't near ready for it. Good thing we refrained. To this day, that night still makes me smile.
I like to believe that on that rainy day after school, just as I was saying my goodbyes to you, our hearts connected. And at that moment, I truthfully could tell you wanted to kiss me in the rain. To this day, I still contemplate in my head that kiss that could of been.
Just before the day of our eighth grade promotion, I had you write in my yearbook. You knew I was leaving for a different school. And all the feelings that were there, I hoped you would write them down. Maybe if you had let me know, honestly, your feelings for me, for us, I would of stayed. But you never did.
Was it fear that kept you from telling me? Was I too out of reach? I never understood why the heck you didn't just tell me how you felt. I still wish I knew. But then, I left.
Luckily, we kept in touch while attending different schools. Finally, you asked me out sophomore year of high school. In my heart, I was happy. You finally took the step I needed from you. Of course, I was afraid for I've never had a boyfriend. And I knew of the outcomes that could of been brought forth after our first, real date. I'm sorry for the disappointment I brought when I called to cancel our date. I thought I was being wise in my decision. In my head, it wasn't fair of the long distance relationship that was a very possible product of going out. I wanted to be fair to you. I wanted to end it before I would hurt you more.
I'm sorry if it felt like I stepped on your heart, like the courage to finally ask me out, was betrayed.
Surprisingly, I came back to my home town to finish high school. And from there, we continued again on our love story. We talked via phone, texts, Internet, and basically whatever was approachable.
I want you to know of the moment I finally fell for you mid junior year. I was alone, sitting on a bus stop at around 9 o' clock at night. I was shaking cold, scared, and alone. I wanted someone with me. Not just anyone. Immediately in my head, I hoped you were with me. I wanted you with me. And so, I picked up my phone, and dialed. No answer. I called again. Still no answer. Feeling foolish, I still left a voice message. I waited, and waited for two hours. You never called. I felt like it was revenge on me because of the years I led you on. Like you wanted me to feel the betrayal of when I cancelled on our date. Thousands of thoughts scrambled in my mind, as I waited. To my sudden surprise, you called.
That voice, I will never forget. The second you called, the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. You were coming to my rescue. You told me you were with your friends, and weren't paying any attention to your cell. But then, you heard my voicemail. And dropped everything you were doing to make sure I was safe. That, I'll always, always remember. At that moment, I knew.
But then there was the moment I will never forget. That night when I confessed I finally liked you back after 6 years. That you were all I could think about and all I wanted. And you shut me down like a knife in my heart. Had me crying the rest of the night through and through. I know I had no right to be angry. After all, you were the one after me for so many years. But it didn't make sense how you all the sudden stopped.
I finally burned for a desire for you, like the burn you had for me. And it just....ended. Like all your feelings for me, never happened. And I was nothing to you anymore. Like a knife in my heart. Suppose i deserved it. All of it.
Had you kissed me, maybe things would of been different. It would of moved our relationship towards a different path. But you didn't. And we shall never know what might of been. I still have hundreds of unanswered questions. Questions concerning what you honestly thought of me all that time. Questions about how you felt when I cancelled on you. Questions like, why didn't you just tell me how you felt? Those questions, I want answers. And so that's why I don't believe our story has ended....just yet.
True Story...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
As It Is My 17th Birthday
In less than three weeks, (ahhhhh!!!) I really need to start focusing on my new image of myself and the world around me ....And also maybe a really great birthday present, perhaps?
I'm thinking I want to portray an updated style I found in a magazine I read, called "Indie Sweet." It's really such a gorgeous style and gives off aburst of fresh air feeling.
And for my birthday present, I really am looking into photography. I mean, I've always been into it since I was a little girl, embracing family moments. I would absolutely love a professional Cannon camera. So I plan on asking for only that as my birthday present. :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)